3 minute read time
We all have moments of frustration at work. Even if you’re lucky enough to have a job you love, coming together with others to get (often complex, abstract or subjective) things done inevitably brings moments of challenge. And over time, our relationship with work tends to go in cycles, with periods of high motivation punctuated with phases of discontent or disengagement.
Several years ago, I listened to a podcast with Jerry Colonna (if you google him, he’s the venture capitalist and leadership coach, not the moustachioed trombonist). In it, he talked about the concept of ‘radical self-inquiry’ and being willing to dig deep and ask yourself difficult questions. One such question was this:
How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don’t want?
Whilst on the surface it seems like a bit of a mouthful, the question resonated with me and remains, several years later, the one I go back to when I’m feeling stuck. You might be wondering what’s so great about it. Well let’s break it down and see…
“complicit” not “to blame”
Reflecting on how you are complicit does not mean accepting a situation is all your fault. It’s not about beating yourself up or ignoring the other factors (and likely people) at play. Rather, it’s a way to guide yourself to a place of useful responsibility-taking and action. Being complicit is not just about what you are doing, but also what you aren’t. And often, this is the bigger opportunity. Think of the times you’ve felt a certain way about a colleague’s behaviour but not given them feedback or hoped for the best on a failing project whilst quietly fearing the worst. This is being complicit.
“creating the conditions” not “causing the problems”
By introducing the concept of “conditions”, not just specific problems, the question forces you to take a broader perspective, and explore what’s really going on. Our frustrations don’t exist in a vacuum, and often the day-to-day challenges we encounter at work are symptomatic of a wider set of circumstances. In thinking about your role in the conditions being created, not just the immediate issue being encountered, you’re likely to identify a wider set of opportunities or solutions.
“I say I don’t want” not “that are objectively bad”
The way you feel about a situation is highly individualised. In steering reflection to what you say you don’t want, the question puts your frustrations in the context of your own goals and objectives. It also brings a bit of pokiness and challenge, asking you to focus on the potential disconnects between what you’re saying and how you’re behaving. I personally like this part of the question because it nudges me to walk my talk, and take action rather than just vent or complain.
Work can be a difficult at times and it’s easy to get stuck in a place of discontentment. Next time you find yourself frustrated and unsure what to do next, ask yourself the question. You might be surprised by where it takes you.
